Carnitas
That, my friends, is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. With a butt.
HEYO! Not the butt you’re thinking. Less JLo and more this:
Back when the majority of the country wasn’t residing on the ice planet Hoth, Sara Kate from The Kitchn posted the most amazing-sounding recipe for slow-cooker carnitas. I bookmarked it and promptly forgot about it because my summer meals are almost always eggs or some sort or pasta. Not to mention my pathetic lack of success at creating a tasty meal out using a crock-pot*.
I decided to try these when I was assigned to jury duty and picked for a trial. You guys, actually being on a jury is exhausting. You have to pay such close attention for so little pay! My brain was like a clenched fist at the end of the day. The choice was clear: slow-cooker or send the mister for takeout every night.
I had to get creative, though. For all of his redeeming qualities, D hates cumin with a fiery passion. I refuse to try to trick him by secretly adding it, so I needed something to give my butt (hee hee) that Mexican flavor. Hence the can of Rotel + green chilis dumped on top. I could maybe eat this straight out of the can (as I am wont to do with cranberry sauce).
I tweaked it a bit more based on what I had in my pantry, so feel free to do the same. Add cumin if you don’t have a husband who turns into a whiny baby when you’re jonesin for some tacos.
Gather:
1 (7-ish pound) pork butt
2 tablespoons salt
1 tablespoon pepper (The Kitchn says freshly ground black pepper; I used dry white pepper)
1 tablespoon oregano
2 teaspoons cinnamon
Cayenne pepper to taste
Several generous shakes of dried minced garlic, or 8 whole cloves, smashed
2 cups tomato juice
1 can Rotel with green chilis
Do:
Put it in your slow cooker. Put the lid on. If you’ve got 8 hours, set it on low. If you don’t, set it on high. If you have fewer than 4 hours to wait, you obviously missed the part where this is a SLOW cooker.
You are advised to remove the excess fat before you put your butt in the cooker. When it’s done, carefully remove the bone and shred that bad boy with a coupla forks. Serve on corn tortillas** with a dab of sour cream and some cilantro. I don’t find cheese necessary but a couple of the guys I watched the Superbowl with*** added some Monterey Jack to much joy.
*I know this seems unlikely. New cooks are encouraged to try slow-cooker recipes because they’re idiot proof. So I am a really special idiot. The first time I used my slow cooker, I had been married for about two months. I chose a recipe involving artichokes and chicken breasts, two things the mister and I aren’t super into. I guess I assumed that my crock-pot was magic and would infuse these ingredients with deliciousness. I also included some red bell peppers, even though I am notorious for rejecting any and all bell peppers unless they are raw. I proudly spooned chicken/artichoke/bell pepper mush onto our plates. We each proudly took a bite, expecting our mouths to explode with joy. Then we quietly scraped our plates back into the slow-cooker, wordlessly got into the car, and drove to McDonald’s.
**If you would rather have tostadas, try brushing your tortillas with olive oil and sticking them in the oven (400 degrees) for about 15 minutes, turning once.
***Is there anything better than being the girl who brings delicious tacos to a Sueprbowl party full of men?
I have a friend. His name is Gerry. Gerry is super into fitness and being buff. He used to run like five miles a day and stop at my home for bathroom breaks (my apartment was very conveniently located). He is always into what next big thing will give him next big muscles. So it’s not really surprising that Tony Horton eventually wormed his way into Gerry’s heart. The thing you should know about P90X is that the meal plan is pretty tight. The mister and I were into it for about two months (after that it was just the mister, because I can’t handle strict diet regimens), unbeknownst to Gerry. The poor guy was literally eating tuna fish for two meals a day. Like, out of the can. Without even adding mayo or relish. What a martyr, this Gerry. You can call him a suffering beefcake if you’d like.
I digress. I made soup one night and invited Gerry to dinner. He brought his can of tuna, thinking that nothing I cooked was on his meal plan. When I told him that D & I were also doing P90X and that this met his requirements, he agreed to try the soup. And since he had been living on tuna for two months, the soup made him cry.
Hence, Crying Gerry Soup.
Gather:
One tablespoon olive oil*
One glug white wine*
Two or three carrots (or a bag of those cute little baby ones)
One onion (optional—I don’t like onions)
Two zucchini
Two yellow squashes
One package tortellini or filled pasta (I usually grab whatever filled pasta is available at my Local All-Natural Grocery, but Buitoni spinach tortellini is great too)
Two cartons vegetable broth**
Two shakes of rosemary
Three shakes of salt
Minced garlic to taste
A couple glugs of red wine vinegar
Do:
Chop up your carrots and onion into chunks. Heat up olive oil in a large pot or dutch oven. Cook the carrots & onion until they begin to soften, then add in white wine. Let it simmer until veggies are tender but not mushy, then add your rosemary and garlic. Cook spice/veggies for a good 30 seconds. Add broth and bring to a simmer. Meanwhile, chop you your zucchini and squash. When soup is simmering, add veggies and simmer for five minutes. Then add pasta and cook an additional 8-10 minutes. Salt to taste. Add red wine vinegar at the very end, then serve. Cry.
This recipe was inspired by one on Eating Well Magazine’s website, but was altered to my own taste. My buddy Knox added the white wine last weekend when I made this for him, and I must say it was a genius move. Crying Lindsey Soup, perhaps.
*This is the non-P90X friendly version. Use a dab of veggie broth instead of oil/wine if you’re trying to behave yourself.
**This seems like a lot. It IS a lot. I always have leftovers. I tend to make soup in huge batches because I never don’t want soup. When it’s through, you can ladle the remainder into your muffin tin and freeze it. Soak the tin for about 10 seconds in super hot water and the little soup-cups pop right out for thawing in a pot or microwave. You’re welcome, bachelors.
***I just listed the vegetables I like (and onion, because I think you’re not allowed to call yourself a food enthusiast if you refuse to eat on onions). You can use anything that gets your motor running. Just cook the thicker veggies first with the carrots and the softies later with your squash. I like onion taste but not texture, so I also toss in some onion powder. Don’t judge me.
Lemon Spaghetti
Cooking while Lindsey…
I’ve actually had several recipes I’d like to write about, but what good is a blog about cooking without photos? Not much good, I’d say. But I made a promise to start this thing, so here I am.
That being said, I still can’t find my camera. Having recently moved from an overstuffed 1000 sq foot apartment to a very huge 4 bedroom house (one that was already furnished, no less), I can barely find anything. My WORD do I hate moving. I haven’t been able to cook for what feels like weeks, as I was in that ever so strange culinary limbo in which I don’t want to buy perishables or worry about dirtying up my kitchenware for fear I’ll leave it in the dishwasher when I go*.
Last night my husband and I had about an hour-long window of opportunity for a meal before we had to head out for choir rehearsal, which can easily stretch into the ten o’clock hour, what with post-rehearsal chatting. If you knew the folks who go to my church, you’d milk them for every anecdote and bit of advice you could, too.
I digress! Serious Eats posted this recipe, and I bookmarked it many moons ago for some day when I had nothing in my pantry save some lemons, pasta, and the perpetual container of Parmesan cheese (organic stuff from Local All-Natural Grocery, natch). For some reason step two doesn’t show up for me, so I followed their trail to Giada and went from there.
It’s kind of a foolproof recipe, but it is delightful. A few notes:
1. I’m mind-bogglingly lazy, so until last night I had never bothered with the extra step of adding pasta water to sauce for thickening. I had also never bothered to use lemons for my lemon juice (you know, just buying the little lemon-shaped bottle**). Both of these steps are worth the extra five minutes it takes.
2. I came across a new way to juice lemons. Against my better judgment, I’ll put this with Stuff rather than Cooking***.
3. Giada only uses salt, pepper, and basil to season her pasta. I don’t know if it’s because I use white pepper instead of black (I’m not real big into pepper, so I prefer the milder taste of white), but I found it to be woefully underseasoned. I was afraid I’d made a dud (it happens to the best of us), but then I threw in some minced garlic, crushed red pepper, and a little bit of Italian seasoning, and was delighted with the result. Delizioso!
TL;DR version:
Gather:
1 pound spaghetti/linguine
2/3 cup olive oil
2/3 cup grated Parmesan
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice (about 3 lemons)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup chopped fresh basil leaves
Do:
Cook the pasta according to directions. Tastes best if you cook it just under what is suggested—8 minutes, probably. While it’s cooking, whisk the oil, Parmesan, and lemon juice in a bowl.
Reserve 1 cup of the pasta water (“cooking liquid” if you’re fancy) when you drain it. Toss pasta with sauce, and add the pasta water bit by bit as needed to thicken things up. Add salt and pepper, keep tossing. If you, like me, feel like it needs more of a kick, add minced garlic and Italian seasoning, to taste. Add a shake of crushed red pepper if you’d like some heat. Garnish with basil (and lemon zest if you didn’t, like me, unceremoniously chuck your lemons in the trash post-juicing).
Talks About Stuff:
*My lands, I have an entire load of dishes in the dishwasher at my old place. I’ve been gone since the 10th. Ha!
**Why does a Google image search for “lemon juice bottle” bring up an exposed breast about halfway down the page? Is there a Google image search that doesn’t eventually turn up exposed breasts?
***It’s genius, really, and I’m not sure why I had to consult the internet to learn this. Instead of squeezing them over a bowl, hoping nothing gets in your eyes, put your lemon half in a baggie and seal it. Squeeze away. Discard the disgusting, shredded-up lemon half, snip a small hole in the corner of the bag, and pour it into your container that way. No seeds! No burning eyeballs! No lemon juice in that paper cut you forgot about! Of course you may actually have a juicer. To this I say:
